- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it "the herd shot round the world."
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank--proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
- Two friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He begged the friars to close, but they ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.